How to Discuss Aging Issues with your Kids

Rather than letting children drive decisions on housing, health care and estate plans, seniors may find it more empowering to be the ones leading the discussion. Here are five tips to help older parents be proactive and start the conversation with their children.

- Choose carefully which child or children to approach.

There is no one-size-fits-all approach to discussing aging issues, every family dynamic is different, and so every one of these conversations will be different.

The first difference may be who is involved in the conversation. While some parents may find it makes sense to sit down with their entire family, others may find it easier to discuss issues with only one or two children.

- Select conversation topics beforehand.

Just as the conversation participants may differ from family to family, so too may the topics. 

However, this approach may not work for every senior. There are seniors who don’t want to involve their children.

In those cases, seniors may want to approach the conversation more broadly. Parents who aren’t comfortable sharing financial details with their children at least create a file with their documents and share where it can be found.

- Be prepared for possible objections or concerns.

Having a conversation with adult children about aging can also open the door for them to express their concerns. Before sitting down with the kids, seniors should anticipate possible objections and solutions.

For example, if driving may be an issue, seniors may want to consider whether voluntarily giving up driving at night or on busy roads would be an acceptable compromise. Those who want to stay in their homes, but are having trouble with upkeep, may want to discuss options to hire help for maintenance or housekeeping.

- Find a neutral time and location to have the discussion.

Emotions can sometimes run high during discussions of aging, and some seniors may find comfort in bringing in a third party for the discussion.

Some families find it easier to write a letter rather than have a face-to-face conversation. Others may prefer to have conversations individually with their children instead of calling a family meeting.

It may be difficult to have a productive conversation with adult children who are stressed or grieving. So seniors may want to avoid having a discussion during high-emotion times, such as at the height of the holiday season or immediately after a death. 

- Have a Plan B in case your children aren’t up for the challenge. 

Finally, realize not every adult child is mature and capable enough to process their parents’ aging. A lot of times children can be in denial about their parents’ physical state.

Adult children could also be irresponsible with the information shared with them or combative about their parents’ decisions. If your gut feels that the information isn’t going to be helpful, withhold that information. 

However, that doesn’t mean seniors should go it alone as they age. Parents can turn to a trusted financial advisor for assistance in developing a plan to manage their finances as they age. Meanwhile, some senior living communities, like Pinelands Grove Retirement Village, include many services and can be a good option for seniors who need help.”

While aging is not always an easy topic to discuss, it is encouraged that seniors to talk with their kids. You will feel a lot of relief knowing that was all taken care of and it will give you peace of mind.